Thanksgiving.

22 November 2001

long drawn
the Pacific expanse
separates
memories and
life interrupted
brings perpetual change
treasure
harvest
acceptance
resignation, inspiration
reflection and extension
anticipation and time to say
Thank you

It's Thanksgiving in America. Of course here in Australia it's not celebrated. It's difficult to pause and reflect during the busy work day.

November and December have become bittersweet months for me. My elder and only brother Jonathan took his own life on the morning of Thanksgiving, 24 November 1994, less than a month before his 27th birthday. He suffered a long running battle with manic depression and in the end it got the better of him. To some extent it got the better of all of us. Seven years on and living on the other side of the world, I still don't know how to explain what he was like, so I usually just say we weren't close. But his illness never gave us the chance to grow beyond the troubled years together and develop an adult relationship. It's something I will never know.

What can you say about the loss of potential and opportunity? I find myself building a life on the other side of the world, my parents' only remaining child. So far away during the holidays when we should be together as a family. Yet I cannot regret the choices I made. I am thankful for the opportunities I have been given. In some sense I think I am searching for choices my brother would not or could not have taken, as if to make up for his losses.

My wife Lisa lost her first husband Pat on 14 November 1997. If he were still alive he would turn a year older today, his birthday. I am saddened that my wife went through so much loss and pain. I would never have wanted to take Pat away from her. Yet I would not know her at all if things were different. And here we are, married this year, looking forward to a future full of promise and opportunity. Deeply in love. Lisa's delightful, loud, vibrant family has welcomed me with open arms and affection. Here, the holidays will be full of good cheer. Yes, I will still miss my own family. But I am thankful. Thankful that I am able to say I miss them and think fondly of them. Thankful that I can be with Lisa. Thankful for all the moments we will share. This is the price of acceptance, and it's something I'm glad to pay, because we have to live our lives while we can.

Happy Thanksgiving.