Ack!

17 May 2002

You know, in the midst of all the excitement and preparation for Mini Moo's arrival, I occasionally have to stop and remember that I'm very scared. I've got no idea what I'm in for. Really.

I've seen Sarah and Matthew raising Jenna for the past 14 months, and in spite of having had a pretty good vantage point, I have to admit that I really have no idea. Did I mention that I have no idea?

Yes, I'm still as excited as ever. I'm sure everything I've read and heard about the joys of parenthood is true, and more. I'm sure I'll get used to 3 am feedings, thermonuclear nappies, constant baby dribble and vomit, and even the sleepless nights. But getting used to something and being able to see beyond it are two different things. I just hope that when I really need help, I'll be sensible enough to realise this and ask someone for it.

Can you tell I'm reading a book about becoming a father? (Peter Downey's So You're Going To Be A Dad) It's extremely funny and informative, but the chapter on Surviving At Home after the birth does a pretty good job of scaring the reader into realising just how little a father-to-be can actually prepare for what's coming, even after reading everything ever written about the subject. All of my colleagues who are fathers themselves have told me pretty much the same thing. And they laugh and snicker and shake their heads at my naivete. But there's a kind of camaraderie there, and it's pretty clear that I am heading for a rite of passage which can be understood only by those on the other side.

So, I have no idea, and all the best sources tell me that's normal.

Phew.